We were devastated.
Hurt. Betrayed. They were understatements. Carly had cut us to the core of our existence. I silently prayed that no one would die of heartbreak.
I was the only one who could pick up the pieces and move; literally.They were all frozen to the spot.
“Guys? Guys? Helo-o-o-o?I said and asked, making googly eyed faces at them. No one even blinked. Now, if you can imagine a freaked out pixie, triple it, and there was my face.
“Guys! I’m GOING TO BRING THOSE EVIL FREAKING DUCKS BACK TO EAT YOU IF YOU DON’T KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF RIGHT NOW!” I yelled, trying not to laugh at the thought of those ducks.
“You leave me no choice. I’m going to get Amanda’s pictures!” I laughed and sighed at the same time, making a weird hiccuping noise.
I ran to the stairs with a wide grin. This was going to be so much fun! I got Amanda’s album out from under her bed, and flew down the first two steps of the stair when I stopped short. Nothing -and everything- had changed when I was gone.
Change number one: The girls hadn’t moved.
Change number two: There were six incredibly HOT guys in my living room!
My draw dropped as a incredulous grin flashed across my face. My gaze locked on the guy I wanted almost immediately. He was buff; a six pack and nice arm muscles, but his face was…just…amazing! There was no other word! He had messy black hair with red bangs. His eyes were…were…Oh-my-god-his-eyes-were-purple! My heart jumped to my throat with lust.
I started hyperventilating. My friends woke up out of their trance. Leave it to them to show up when hot guys do! I realized that I was still standing their, my mouth open, drooling on the steps. My guy was staring at me, one eyebrow raised with interest. He smiled as his gaze swept up and down my body. I wanted him…Like I have never wanted anyone else. He was magical. Even his smile was perfect!
I gaze my friends a warning glare as I walked slowly, deliberately down the steps. They nodded at me once; they knew who I wanted.
The burly blond coughed once, gently for his size. I felt Rachel’s mood change instantly. I laughed silently. She knew who- or what- she wanted.
“Oh! Um…, hi. Wait, oh, uh, who are you and why are you in my house?” I stammered, throwing my hair back gently and looking up at my guy’s face through my eyelashes. He winked, and I giggled.
The blond spoke first.
“ I am Caelnisah.” he spoke, with a fierce, husky accent.
“I am Aerther.” Said my hottie. His voice was clam, but there was a deep meaning underneath his lush voice. I liked it.
“I am Casther.” Amanda was staring at him slyly. His face was lovely, as far as faces go. I knew what she was thinking, just because I had known her for so long. This one’s voice was quiet, but strong at the same time. Quite nice if you ask me!
“ I am Kethque.” Went the fourth man’s voice. He sounded tired. Emily’s eyes started sparkling.
“ I am Sylasal.” Came a voice from the back. I couldn’t see him
“And I am Mias. We watched your battle with that Brownie Pixie. We envy you, and would like to ask for you alliance.” His voice was sure, independent. His face was soft, kind of baby-ish, but pretty all in the same way.
“Well, not to sound rude, but, what are you by chance?” I asked warily. The last time I felt attraction towards a man, he turned out to be a brownie.
Aerther spoke.
“We are the six hunters from the north. We are elves.” He said strongly.
“Then we will allow you to join forces with us. Would you like some food or drink?” I asked politely.
“Why, yes. Since you offered, we have journeyed far, and I am quite hungry.” Said Mias.
I turned to my friends. Rachel and Amanda nodded at me.
“Come to my kitchen. We will prepare some dinner for you.”
I walked into the kitchen, transforming myself quickly. Everything came into a sharper focus. This day was insane!
I pulled the fridge open and flicked my wrist. A grand feast rolled itself into the kitchen and onto the now very large oak table. Chairs and silverware appeared too.
“Thanks girls.” I said quietly.
The elves sat down with wide eyes, so I go down to business.
“I am Alexis. I am a night pixie. This is Rachel, the garden pixie, Amanda, the water pixie, and Emily, the moon pixie.” I said, pointing to each individual as I said their name.
“Thank you for your hospitality.” Aerther said, ice hinting on the edges of his voice.
My mood changed quickly.
What did I say? Do I smell? I sniffed the air and my breath. Nope. I didn’t smell. I caught Emily’s eyes on my face, concern on hers.
“Thank you for your alliance.” I said, just as cold as him.
The room got quiet.
“Go ahead. Dig in. We didn’t poison you!” Rachel said jokingly.
“I wouldn’t put it past a pixie.” Aerther murmur, I could just barely hear him. He sat across the table from me.
“Excuse me what was that?” I asked with a sickening false sweetness filling my voice.
He stood up quickly. So did I.
I glared, and he jumped across the table, locking his arms around my waist. Whoa!
Where the hell did that come from?
I raised an eyebrow, and then remembered that I was being hard to get.
I removed my arms, like I was going to put them behind his neck. Then, I pushed him really hard. He flew across the room.
His Elf friends stood up, drawing their weapons.
“Whoa! Guys! Let them work it out!” Yelled Emily.
I wasn’t paying attention. He was getting up, and I wanted to see the look on his face. He was smiling.
What?!?
He ran back over, and did the same thing again. Except this time, he was leaning forwards towards me, and I was dumbstruck.
He smelled nice.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Oops, sorry. my dad gets bent out of shape if he sees me swearing. And in the next chapter you will see why Alexis doesn't really feel anything, like hurt or betrayal...
Sorry I’m so late on this one. I’ve been having major computer issues, but I think my poor laptop is doing better now. *huggles her* (Yes, my laptop is a her. XD)
Hm… well, this is a nice continuation, but I really don’t think it’s quite as strong as your earlier chapters.
The whole thing with the elves was definitely an interesting twist, and I’m interested to see where this goes from here on… Also, I can tell you’ve really been working on helping to make your secondary characters closer to the reader. The other pixies are much more defined now than they were at the beginning, and I think the eleves were more clearly introduced than the pixies.
Still… I agree 110% with cooldude that Alexis’s complete and utter lack of apparently caring about being betrayed sort of stood out oddly here. It would make perfect sense if she was supposed to have some sort of psychological disorder, and it would come off as marvelously interesting and creepy, but it doesn’t seem like that’s exactly what you’re going for.
Carly, after all, was pretty much a sister to them, right? Because… frankly, I’m not seeing it in this chapter. Alexis aside, they all seem to get over it as soon as a bunch of attractive guys show up. It just… seemed iffy to me. They aren’t feeling the emotions they say they are, so I’m not feeling them either. They just had an incredibly close friend try to kill them. *warning: whiiiine time* I’ve suffered a much more minor betrayal from a close friend before, and I’m pretty sure no attractive elves could have pulled me out of it in under ten minutes. It just doesn’t feel realistic.
Also, this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but if you’re going to swear, then swear. If you’re not going to swear, don’t swear. Censoring yourself with little stars just looks a little juvenile and silly most of the time. Sorry if I got rant-y, a good friend of mine does that all the time in his stories, and it just bugs me. XD
A couple of typos I caught:
These should be “them” and “they,” respectively, instead of “the.”
Probably should be “my jaw dropped as an”
Oops, wrong “there.” ^^;
I hope I’m not being a jerk with this. I don’t want to come off as harsh, the only reason I’m so picky about this is that I think the story really has potential. This IS a good chapter, and I can tell you’ve really been working hard and putting your heart into the story, I just can tell you can make it so much stronger. ^_^ I’ll be back around for chapter 6!
Nice continuation. The fact that even though she had just been betrayed by someone she though was her sister and then could laugh at the thought of evil ducks, is really odd though, is that just her personality? Because you think it would cut deeper than that. It also seems oddd that she runs for Amada's pictures, does she honestly think somthing like that would make her friends laugh after what they have just gone through? Either she has a couple of mental issue or this needs to be rewritten. That betrayal should hurt more than it does. THe unmovingness shows it to a point in the others, and the fact that she recovers first makes sense, but different methods to get the others going again might be more appropriate. You introduced the guys well, although I was a bit confused at the end whether Aerther likes her or doesn't. The line, "and did the same thing again" really isn't discriptive enough, because I have trouble understanding what he did the first time. Overall, a very good continuation, I think it might be your best so far. Congratulations! I hope that this helped.